4 months 3 bags 2 chances: Dubai

Jetlag, G-force and the West smashing into the East!

After many goodbyes my mother said "as they say, go with God, but just go"

In-flight schedules are daft. Whoever worked out the times for meals / lights off etc is clearly an idiot (note that there really is a scientific hierarchy of dumbness ranging from moron IQ of 51-70, imbecile IQ of 26-50 and idiot IQ of 0-25......so telling someone not to be an idiot is more insulting than imbecile or moron. Cretin or (other faves such as "retard" or "spack" are not scientific terms and should probably be removed from the derogatory literary arsenal of all those who think themselves educated).

So who is everyone talking to? Everywhere we go these days, folks are on the phone. Who is everyone talking to? What are they talking about and why sooooo much talk? I think it's because of exponential population growth. There are so many people on the planet (865 brazziolioquintillian or something like that). Even if the % of unproductive conversation stays the same, the growth of talking rubbish continues to rise in step with the absolute population growth. But I digress (not sure from what).

Back to Dubai airport. Picture 3am body clocks with kids woken after about a single hour of sleep. Picture long lines of similarly sleep deprived arrivees at the Dubai Immigration Counter lines. Picture serious looking young Dubai immigration officials walking toward or away (or sometimes both but not at the same time) from their booths holding lil plastic lunchboxes. Its like some weird white sheet Kindergarten lunch parade with grown up Arabs and an audience of hypnotized, bleary eyed ringers in. Do not, as part of this deeply rewarding imagery....do not I repeat picture any of these plastic lunch box toting, very white sheet wearing, black bearded / stubbled fellas doing any "allowing people into the country" work! Oh no, none of that happening at all. It was like a strange treacle like Kafka novel. Turns out they were doing a kind of (very) slow motion changing of the guard and after about 15 mins, at least a couple of them looked up and with the speed of benzo addled snails leapt / slothed / slithered into action (action seems too complimentary an adjective). Eventually it was our turn to walk up to the counter. The young (wham days) George Michael"ish" dude behind the counter took our passports and softly spoke to me in Arabic for quite a while. Somewhat perplexed I answered to the best of my ability not really comprehending why he spoke so softly or why he also seemed perplexed to hear my voice. After a while I realized that he had a mobile phone on his white sheeted lap connected wirelessly to a small earpiece. 4 passport stamps and we were gone. Quite bizarre really. Never seen anything like it. Another assault by gen y or z or whatever we are up to.

Dubai Day 1:

Jumera Scarer - here I come: Could never have been a fighter pilot. Tried out the worlds fastest water slide at Wild Wadi Water World. After climbing a lot of stairs you wait a bit. Then it's time to get into an enclosed glass box which is the start of the slide. Standing nervously inside the box you wait......3...2...1.......the floor drops away and you plummet down an almost vertical segment of waterslide before pretty rapidly making the journey back to horizontal and slowing down. The G- forces early in the ride are high and I felt a bit blergh. So I had to try again. Amazing - Ree and I loved it, kids got a tad nervy and pulled out. Can't say I blame them really. As the floor dropped away I couldn't help thinking of the similarity to being hanged. It's very sudden and violent - the floor is there then it isn't. Not like those old Wile E Coyote cartoons where he is tricked by the road runner to run off a cliff and then hangs in mid air for a while. Video below - doesn't do justice to the speed (what are my testes doing above my head?)

Heart rate approaching 180....antici pation. Zoe watching and trying to decide if she will have a go.

The much celebrated Garre Ruffa fish (aka the red logsucker fish) caught the attention of Zozo the intrepid......for more info and a deeper understanding read this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_fish

Zoe's tootsies get a fishy massage

Awwww mother and daughter having a ball

We finished off the day by starting a family travel tradition and losing Drew in a very busy area (think New York footpath). This theme will be played out so we can say in the future "we lost him in every major city we visited". To minimize suspense for you dear reader, we found him again. For us, it was 5 minutes of feeling pretty sick as we searched side shops looking for the kid who hasn't yet worked out which way the cars are coming from. We were pretty lost ourselves by then. We had walked from our apartment to the canal and then took a water ferry across to the Old Spice Souk (real spices, not the deodorant). Suckered into the first store by a Persian giving the kids chocolates.....next thing we knew we were smelling Frankincense then myrrh...plenty of Gold around but not so much as gifts (more your small nominal fee variety). Soon Drew had been given a very special price for the souvenir he bought and then (true story) Zozo also got a special price for her souvenir mini Aladdin's lamp thing. Guess 2 out of 3 maketh not wise men!